Exhaustion.

Feeling really crazy at the moment, and it's not just the caffeine intoxication speaking here. It's the exhaustion at being given a week off uni, only to find that it's even more taxing than formal classes. First day back (i.e. TOMORROW), we have a massive assignment due. First Friday back is exams. Naturally, nobody (well, at least no self-respecting student) went anywhere or really did anything. We were all stuck indoors, hating this module with all our weary hearts.

It's really tiring having to drag yourself out of bed for a 9am lecture when you've only had three, maybe four hours of sleep. It's impossibly tiring when you have nothing but sheer will to get you out of bed during the holidays on the same lack of sleep.

I'm not exactly sure why people assume that the undergraduate medical route is any easier than the graduate route. It may be slightly more competitive, but the work load is still a slap in the face. It's difficult to explain to your extended family why you have to miss so-and-so's christening, why you're falling asleep on their sofa and why you have obscure drug names scribbled onto your arm.

All I can say for sure is I'm tired. I'm absolutely exhausted. I know I signed up for this and all, knowing that this is what it'd be like, but I'm going to be self indulgent for a while and just whinge. Generally, I'm the one who talks people out of these moods. To be able to keep your knees from bucking under the workload, you have to approach it with a certain coolness. To dedicate yourself to completing long term goals like six years worth of medical education, you have to be focused. There's a quiet, inner-peace and resolve you have to develop if you don't already have it. It's the stuff that keeps you awake at night as you blindly memorise bookshelves.

But right now, I'm just freaking out and wondering why I didn't tick the "business studies" box on the careers form.