The lanyard policy.

Figure 1. Aerial view of the line with interjecting doctor

making a beeline to the receptionist, walking in front of a photo

So there was a mix up with my hospital ID. Those that follow my twitter would know that there was a very long line of people waiting for their 2009 tags. Why they all chose that specific day to renew and obtain their IDs remains a mystery to me. Maybe it's a hospital thing. Amongst us "phase one students" (i.e. idiot junior students) were nurses and a few senior medical students who looked painfully tired.

After a lot of inefficient mucking around, my school had arranged for us to have our photos taken on campus so that they could be emailed to hospital security for IDs to be made and sent back, after which we'd be able to collect them from the student office within two days. Fail proof method, right? Scoff. Obviously, a bunch of them all got lost. Naturally, mine was one of them.

The hospital that I'm now located at is very paranoid about things like ID-- every single one must be accounted for. There's a list that your name goes on if you lose your ID card. A List. You have to notify them immediately if you lose your ID. None of that wishy-washy 48 hour timeframe that those lazy government passport departments give you. We mean freakin' immediately. This is understandable. A little paranoid, but still understandable. What I don't get is the lanyards. They're paranoid about the lanyards.

"All students must have a hospital identification card. The card should be attached to a lanyard supplied by the clinical school and be clearly visible at all times. "

After waiting for about twenty minutes because medical officers kept butting into the line and generally shafting aside anybody not wearing scrubs (METAPHORS!), I finally managed to have this conversion about "$10" and the hospital's lanyard policy.

M:
My ID card was one of bunch that didn't make it to the School.
I was told to come here to have one made.
I've got my identification papers with me--

Security Lady:
Hmm. Fill out this form.
It'll cost you $10 to replace the lost one.

M:
But I didn't lose it. I can't get a "replacement"
because I never got one in the first place.

Security Lady:
You still have to declare that it was lost.
Fill out the form.

[Lady watches M finish filling out the form]

Security Lady:
Ok, now that's $10 for the replacement card.

Anyways, after convincing the security nazi that I didn't owe the hospital TEN WHOLE DOLLARS and my card was printing, we had another little exchange.

M:
Could I please grab a hospital lanyard while I'm here?

Security Lady:
[shrewd, calculating glare, as if I steal lanyards from hospitals
and operate an illegal lanyard store off the back of a truck]
Why didn't you get one from the school?

M:
I couldn't pick up my ID from the school office so I assumed
I'd have to pick everything up from here.

Security Lady:
We sent a specific number of lanyards to your school. We're not
in the habit of giving extras to students. They're as important as your
identification card. Today's your lucky day.
[grudgingly hands one over]

Yeah. They say some battles are won by retreating. I decided it'd be in my better interests to not argue the point. Ultimately, I learnt two things. 1) NEVER LOSE YOUR ID CARD and 2) DON'T TRY AND STEAL THEM ENTICING LANYARDS.